☺︎︎ “STOP MEASURING DAYS BY DEGREE OF PRODUCTIVITY & START EXPERIENCING THEM BY DEGREE OF PRESENCE” ☺︎︎

I’ve felt lost for a few years now. I guess you could say it was the “slow seasons” of life I was living through. Subconsciously, I could not let go of the life I thought I wanted for myself all the years before. Since having Ripley, I’ve also had a hard time finding my place in the world – feeling like I don’t really fit in anywhere. I am 23 but a mother … it’s not the most common situation in the world. Plus, before Rip, I was someone who “had their whole life planned out,” {so I thought because LOL did God have other plans for me or what}.

The thought of all my “plans” just going to shit left me feeling SO INCREDIBLY LOST AND CONFUSED like you wouldn’t believe.

Have you ever found yourself planning every aspect of your future?!

I was having trouble finding a sense of PURPOSE and MEANING for my life. It felt like I was just completely radiating failure in everything I did. My son was the only thing that I still had the motivation and drive towards. {Which, if you know me at all, is most definitely not a good thing because typically, I’m obnoxiously over competitive...}

Safe to say I hit rock bottom H A R D as shit. And those few months {or year lol …} in 2018/2019 were honest to God, the worst months of my life thus far, and also kind of my first true experience with failure – or what felt to me like a complete failure.

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Slowly, I found my way out of this dark place but couldn’t help but feel like something was blocking me from fully escaping this sense of doom and failure.

One Sunday, it all hit me like a mother fuckin freight train…

I was living OUTSIDE OF MYSELF and not letting MYSELF OR GOD IN. Seriously having this click was one of the most amazing feelings in the world—a glimmer of hope. I have always considered myself a spiritual person, believing in a higher power and the idea that everything happens for a reason. I recently started really leaning into the Lord for answers…but I won’t go into too much detail about that today.

“you can literally feel when it’s time to move into your life’s next chapter. trust it.”

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LIFE’S NEXT CHAPTER

Since that day, so many positive things have been happening around me {I mean besides the country & pandemic…just within my circle}. I also started to realize how much I was NOT listening to my body. When I started listening to my body and not trying to force anything, I realized how amazing it felt to just be alive in the present moment with no pressure — even if it is/was internal pressure.

★ Having this realization was insane for me honestly, I felt like I walked into a completely new world. It was weird to embrace where I was in that moment, day, week, year, just overall, allowing myself to feel the present fully. I never dreamed of an experience such as this because I discovered most of my life I spent surviving by gaslighting myself! I had no idea you could do this to yourself, but you can, and I was. Telling myself that my feelings were ~whatever~ and everyone feels this way from time to time. Everyone has pain like this. Everyone feels this sad, this broken. I always told myself to move on and forget it because it was normal to feel shitty all the time.

LIVING THROUGH YOUR SLOW SEASONS

Now I have been making it a  point to ensure I’m ☻︎LIVING IN THE PRESENT☻︎ and am just completely present every day that I’m alive. The past few days, I’ve been really thinking back to discover how many missed signs there have been pointing me towards being more present and allowing myself to be ok with my life path, the pace of life, and everything that was going on with me.

★ Quotes ★ horoscopes ★ words my friends would say ★ God’s word ★ the out of the blue magnetic pull I felt to let myself go and fully embrace God ★ clothes I’ve ordered ★ books I’ve read … SIGNS WERE EVERYWHERE!

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MIND – BODY – SOUL

To be present has made me feel a TRUE CONNECTION to my body and soul that I have never before felt. Basically, I have been sick/ in pain every day since about the 7th grade. I had given up hope on a better way of life a long time ago. The more I’ve accepted and embraced this slow season of life, the more it has become clear to me. I actually can heal. I never imagined I could get healthier.

Just want to be free, happy, and alive again — there’s a weird sense of joy in the unknown. A new belief that within the unknown, there may be an abundance of joy and healing right around the corner for me. ☺︎︎☀︎︎

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A LIL AFTER THOUGHT HERE FOR YA ➪

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Sweet Sweet ~Alexandria Martin~ started a bible study group. The other day’s message related really well to this blog topic. I wanted to add a little from the notes I took!

✝︎ what is one thing God has been calling you to leave behind in obedience to Him?

✝︎✝︎ “YOUR COMFORT ZONE WILL KILL YOU” ✝︎✝︎

✝︎ God has a plan for you; you may not realize right away what that is. Let life unfold, and watch the magic happen for you.

✝︎ What God calls you to leave will pale in comparison to His blessing ahead!

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☄︎ BLASTING OFF,
T ∾ SPACEYCOWBOY ✰✰

Some of my posts that relate to this topic can be found :

✧ H E R E ☞ ☆ ☆ S O U L R I C H ☆ ☆

✧ H E R E ☞ FRESH START

Some other people to check out who really helped me with my current transformation :

✧ H E R E ☞ WELLNESSWITHSOPH

✧ H E R E ☞ SARITA WALSH

✧ H E R E ☞ FASHION LUSH

✧ H E R E ☞ KENZIE BURKE