I was recently listening to The Skinny Confidential Him & Her Podcast and their guest that episode was Ed Mylett. You can listen to that episode here, I highly recommend it! What really struck a chord with me while listening was their discussion about burnout, and how to avoid it; as well as how perfection, happiness, and satisfaction relate to burnout —- are those three words capable of having negative effects?? Yes, surprisingly… —- I have been extremely interested in the idea of “burning out” recently, because all of my experiences over the past 3 or so years completely burnt me out. That is why i’m spewing my random thoughts here on this blog because I have had some strange things happen to me the past few years and when I really could have used some raw, real, honest advice from someone similar to me there was nothing I could find … like at all. I felt extremely alone which ultimately made the burn out worse. Hopefully something I say resonates with someone, anyone, in any way! ✌︎☆☀︎✝︎✈︎

Episode Breakdown ⇢

✷ if you want to listen to the podcast but haven’t yet, just skip this part hahah ✷

This is just a brief summary of the key points I took away from the podcast, and the ones that really resonated with me. Obviously, the main topic that really had me thinking about my life was the topic of being burnt out. How the idea of perfection gives you a false sense of happiness … ∽ and that happiness is NOT the same as satisfaction!∽ That one really made me think, because often it seems happiness and satisfaction are synonymous, but really in life you can be happy WITHOUT truly being satisfied with where you’re at. And all that false happiness is bound to lead a person to burn out, there’s no way someone could proceed all of their life without any form of true happiness and satisfaction. He continued to explain how your self confidence is the ~s a m e~ as your self TRUST … what a freaking concept! He is entirely right in saying that you cannot trick yourself, totally not possible, so why do so many people break the promises they make to themselves? Why are those promises broken so much easier than promises they make to others? The last little bit of knowledge that stuck with me was the idea of how the promises you break to YOURSELF cut you deeper than a promise broken by someone else. One broken promise to yourself causes a bit of disappointment, but eventually it becomes an expectation. That’s when problems really start within.

SOOOO to connect to myself & why I started this blog … ⇢⇢⇢

I have always thought of myself as somewhat of a perfectionist, but never before did I think about how unhealthy it is to strive for perfection. It’s unattainable. Pre Ripley, I would go from one win to another, just like Ed Mylett said, and would never take any time to soak in what I accomplished. Looking back I feel some sense of guilt over this, I missed so many happy moments by some fake sense of dissatisfaction I created for myself. I never realized it at the time, but I was almost living in someone else’s world. I was doing things for the sake of accomplishing them, but I didn’t give a damn, I just went through the motions.

Don’t get me wrong, I learned A LOT, I failed a lot, I achieved a lot, but what I thought I was getting out of those experiences is honestly not what the important takeaways are/were. I was fucking T I R E D. All the time … {{to be fair I did have Narcolepsy and had no idea,}} BUT I was tired of life, too tired to experience any joy. I feel like I missed out on so many fun things because I was overworking myself for literally no reason?!?! When it came time for me to leave Tuscaloosa that April of Junior year I felt like I had so much left to do, so much I never got to do, and now I realize it was my own fault. I let myself miss out on all the fun, little memorable moments because I was striving for some idea of perfection I told myself I needed. About six months later, a few months after Ripley was born, I was finally hit in the face with what felt like a brick wall of failure. I had suppressed so many emotions in the months leading up to finding out I was pregnant and they just exploded out of me that fall. I couldn’t focus on my classes {which was extra terrible considering they were all online & there was no forcing me to study, plus I had no desire to complete assignments or get good grades}. I had never ever had less motivation towards anything in my entire life. It was a weird feeling. I literally had nothing left to give. I was unhappy for months, nothing made me happy, I would ask for things and ask to do things and still be unhappy when I got what I wanted. It got to the point where I was so deep into this pit of distrust with myself I thought that’s just who I was, that I became a lazy failure with nothing to give to the world … So dramatic I know hahaha.

Fast forward a few months and I finally realized how badly I needed to get my shit together. Buttttt I also realized that’s really fucking hard to do. I had no idea where to begin. I had fed into all these negative qualities I had displayed for those few months that I had the hardest time thinking of myself as being any different. I realize now that all those failures, all that stress I put on myself, the days I would schedule down to the second, all those times I would spaz because I didn’t have control of a random situation led me to where I am now … & thank God because I am on the way to being way way way happier than I ever was.

What I learned ⇢

So the moral of the story is to just live in the moment, discover what truly makes you happy and fuck everything else. You don’t need anyone’s approval to do what makes you feel fulfilled. Ripley blessed me with the realization that I needed to slow down and embrace everything around me. You can’t schedule your life down to the second, no matter how hard you try. Because trust me I did not have leaving early junior year, having a baby with only 3 months to mentally&physically prepare, finish classes online away from all my friends, and everything else that came with the pregnancy, planned out. There are so many situations I face these days that make me laugh because I think about how I would have reacted before. Or when I see people stress over such small things that are out of their control, I am so thankful I realized how important it is to just live and cherish the little wins and pleasures in life. Not to be cliche but it truly does seem like everything happens for a reason … you never know but the asshole that cut you off may have saved your life, not ruined your commute. Stay positive and appreciate your life because you never know how fast it can change. 🙂

☄︎ Blasting off,

T ∾ SPACEYCOWBOY ✰✰

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P.S. →

✐ If you want to read my pregnancy story ⇒ click h e r e

✐ & while you’re at it check out this post about my resolutions & my goal to keep promises to myself ⇒ h e r e