SOUL RICH:

“Lots of people get a billion dollars, and they’re not wealthy, because wealth is emotion, it’s psychology, it’s spirit, it’s soul,”

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I’ll never forget the day that I realized

what I thought was the biggest disaster I could have gotten myself into was my biggest blessing. I was sitting pregnant and alone in my childhood bedroom. Crying, trying to mentally prepare myself for the verbal and emotional beating I was about to endure. Let’s just say I was NOT ~ Soul Rich ~ at this moment in time.

For those of you that don’t know me very well, it wasn’t until after I had Ripley that I became open and vulnerable with my emotions. I was stone cold, angry, with a side of laughing at everything and smiling at everyone I walked by. I was a walking contradiction, basically, and in my head, I always knew I was. 

At the time I wasn’t aware that I was suppressing enough emotions to erupt a volcano … {{and to be fair, there was quite a large eruption, but that’s a story for a different time.}}

It was March 2018.

It had been a week since spring break ended and two weeks since I had left the pregnancy clinic in Tuscaloosa. To my surprise, I was content at home. Up until that point I never was satisfied at home, always felt so trapped and in need of something more … however, this time was so different. No part of me desired to go back to school. I was done with it, over it, and that was a bit frightening because I’m a nerd and love school. Plus I loved my friends, I loved the town, but uh, I was happy to escape everything else and start over pretty much. Ripley was my escape and reason to start over.

Before I had left school, I was forcing myself to be as busy as possible to avoid all the emotions I was not ready to deal with. This made me morph into some zombie shell of myself just going through the motions. All the life left in me had been sucked out by the people I was around and the things I had once loved. I had blinders on to everything, and because of that, I completely fucked myself. I have never cared about what people say or think about me, and at the time, I gave zero shits. Still, months later, when my emotional volcano erupted, everything tore me down at once until I was a puddle of useless potential and motivation for life.

So let me explain a little …

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November 2017 … halfway through junior year …

That’s when everything turned sour. Most everyone knows that while I was at Alabama, I was in a sorority… lol.

I think this winter was when I started feeling burnt out. I never allowed myself to realize that because my entire life, I had always been a go, go, go type of person, so slowing down and taking a break never EVER crossed my mind. Winter break comes and goes, and I find myself having more responsibility and dumb shit to deal with than I ever expected or wanted. To paint a picture for y’all — I would instead give birth to 6 babies at once than be president of a sorority ever again, which I never will be. Still, if given the option, I suggest everyone pick the six babies (: This sounds so harsh, but it gets better; I swear, I learned the best lesson of my life from this experience.

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shit hit the fucking fan

at about the beginning of February. I was already to the point where life just was not fun for me anymore. This is when the burnout truly began, and I had NOOO idea. I allowed myself to be consumed with negativity. Plus, at the same time, I had to go back and forth from Tuscaloosa to home in an attempt to figure out my health issues. I was so drained and overworked. But I, being the idiot who tries to solve all the world’s problems alone, didn’t even think about asking for help or taking a step back to reevaluate everything.

I’m not going to go into details about all of that, because honestly, it doesn’t matter at all. Let’s just say February & March 2018 chewed me up and spit me out onto a wall of thorns. I have never cared what people thought of me or what people said about me, and at the time everything was going on, I didn’t either. Or so I thought …

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For heaven’s sake, people were disgustingly nasty.

Nasty to a point where I couldn’t even be mad because I felt so sorry for them. They thought saying all that bullshit would make them feel better … which I have no idea how it would but to each their own. Some people were bandwagon shit talkers making up the most random shit lies to pile on the hate towards me. When I sat back at home reading all of it, I just laughed. Honest to God, it made me bust out laughing.

I was like, ok, here I am being “bullied” and I think I’m the happiest person involved in the situation! How could I have been upset at that? They had their issues to sort out, and we’re taking it out on me. I didn’t let it get to me. The words themselves never hurt me; I don’t give a shit what people say about me. What got me a few months down the road was the sense of failure that slowly crept into my mind.

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ROMANS 8:18  — “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

This bible verse was running through my head 24/7 during this time, and little did I know how much meaning it would have in my life just a few months later.

I’ll never forget the moment I realized why this bible verse had been so prevalent, why I kept seeing it everywhere. I am beyond thankful for this tiny glimmer of sanity that eased my mind at such a crazy time in my life.

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WHY DID I RAMBLE ON ABOUT THE DARKEST MONTHS OF MY LIFE …?

I swear there is a connection, hahah !!

Have y’all ever heard of the term SOUL RICH?? I hadn’t until I was walking around the neighborhood with Ripley, listening to a podcast, and suddenly, I listened to those two words and had to rewind. I am not sure why it stuck out so much to me, but I love that it did!

SOUL RICH : “Lots of people get a billion dollars and they’re not wealthy, because wealth is emotion, it’s psychology, it’s spirit, it’s soul,” – TONY ROBBINS

I love the idea of being soul-rich. Becoming a mother is what made me soul rich. It was all thanks to that little joyful surprise that I found out about when I least expected it and possibly one of the worst times for me to become a mother.

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Soon it all made sense.

After having Ripley, I realized the importance of everything I endured back at school. Why? It was so I could fully become Soul Rich, and I would say that I am?! I live my life now with much more ease, much more joy, peace, happiness, & purpose. Ripley changed me for the better; he was exactly what I needed to ensure I took the right path in life. That I stopped to smell the roses once a while and realize what I was allowing myself to suffer through would end up mattering so little ten years down the road. What mattered were the friends, my family, the memories, the experiences, the life I forgot to live! THAT’S WHAT MATTERED! Ripley, so young but so insightful …

He gave me my life back; he sparked the fire that had left me.

That had been forced to stop burning if we’re honest.

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I look back at those months and am so thankful.

Thankful for the pain because I honestly don’t think I’ll ever have to suffer through too much worse {knock on wood}. Those bitchy people lifted me when they were trying to bring me down. I truly am thankful to them for that. It was humbling and grounding.

I still don’t have everything figured out… HAHA, if you knew how I was daily, you would see I am in chaos the majority of the time. But I’d rather be in shambles than willingly putting myself in situations that defeat me and make me forget who I am.

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I made this blog for sharing who I am and what life looks like for me during this season of life. When I started writing this post, it was supposed to be for my ~mom category~. Which made me start laughing a little because tbh … I’m still figuring this whole mom thing out!! Yes, I’ve been a mom for almost two years now, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t still deal with the struggles that come with raising a tiny human!

I am reading back everything I wrote in this post and am not sure if it has any purpose. So I hope someone finds peace within the words.

If I do one day figure out how to master raising this little guy, I will be sure to share all the secrets with y’all. But for now, I am still quite the mess. And that’s ok because Ripley brings me more joy than I ever thought possible. He is exactly what I needed at that time. It is crazy to think that having a baby made me slow down and really appreciate all that was around me. Yet oddly enough, it did. It is almost like Ripley, and I get to grow up together and figure it out side by side; everything I discover about the tiny joys in life he will find right there next to me. Man, do I love that crazy kid.

All My Love,

xoxo – M. T.

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CHECK OUT MY RECENT & RELATED POSTS BELOW:

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✦ CLICK HERE TO READ⌇my post discussing burnout

✴︎ CLICK HERE TO READ⌇my stories about pregnancy and Ripley!

✦ I ALSO RECENTLY STARTED AN EVENT PLANNING BUSINESS!! STALK IT HERE: ELEVEN 11 ATELIER – P.S. I know the site is not fully finished, but it will be done by Father’s Day!!! But whose counting :/